top of page

So, I'm an adult. Now what?

Updated: Apr 9


Growing up, we are guided by family, schools, churches and the wider society. These groups greatly influence who we become. We are taught how to do things, what the norms are, we develop shared values and we are told who to be. This is great. But, what if who we were taught to be and who we actually are, are different people?


For many of us, early childhood reflected our creative years; when we explored ourselves and the environment around us, and accepted and embraced who we were. During late childhood we started to align ourselves with the values embraced by the society around us. As we progressed towards the teenage years, we were well on our way to developing our identity relative to society, friends and family. With the guidance of family, friends and social groups, we prepared ourselves for adulthood.


It is great to have guidance of any kind, and it is a blessing to have people around who will assist us in figuring out this journey. As children, the decisions we made, and the decisions made on our behalf were oftentimes controlled by others. Much of what we accepted was passed down to us by the people around us. It is easy for us to journey through adulthood with our childhood beliefs and the approaches to life which were instilled in us back then. However, the belief systems which we learned during childhood may not lead to a fulfilling life, and grounded in those beliefs, many of us may not even realize it.


I am in my mid-twenties, and probably the most important lesson that I have learnt thus far is the value of asking my own questions and deriving my own answers. I have learnt that the way of life embraced by the society around me will not give me the experience that I want. Rightfully so, because it is not obligated to. If I want to live a fulfilling life, I must create that experience for myself. The thing is that, creating such an experience requires that I unlearn a lot of what I had been taught while growing up. I need to learn, unlearn and relearn while embracing learning and growing as a continuous process - a journey, and not a destination.


Our lives are not packaged a certain way - waiting for us. It is not when we reach certain milestones that our lives will start being what it should be. Our lives exist now. We just need to live it while learning, growing and understanding ourselves and our experience more each day. There is not a standard way of living. There is the way we want to live, and the possibility of us living that way. But, we might never realize what is possible if we never question what we have been taught.


The first step in planning a great future is to understand ourselves, decide how we want to experience this life (not how we were conditioned to experience it), believe that it is all possible, learn how to realize what is possible, take appropriate action, and embrace the experience - the challenges, the apparent setbacks and the favourable results. They are all part of the process.


As a young adult, I understand the desire to build the life we want - to get a good job, buy the car and the house, get married, start a family etc.. The belief that we need to do it all right now can frustrate us to the point that we forget to live - forget to enjoy the present moment. But, what if you do not need all those things that you choose to work towards? What if they are merely wants? And what if the desire to have them is not actually yours? What if you were just conditioned to believe that you want those things? What if you would be happier without them? What if you decide that you want those things anyway, but the process of acquiring them is much simpler than you've learnt? Your answers to these questions have the potential to change your life. As it is said that Albert Einstein said: "The most important thing is to never stop questioning."


So, you are an adult. Start by questioning your beliefs. All of it.





2 Comments


Kemar Williams
Kemar Williams
Nov 23, 2022

So many truths here. But yes the first step to identifying one true potential is to start questioning and unlearning the things taught especially in our early years

Like
Kailesha Duffus
Kailesha Duffus
Nov 23, 2022
Replying to

Absolutely! I am happy that this resonated with you 🙂

Like
bottom of page